Aging LG women may face ageism, sexism, racism and homophobia. Those from ethnic and cultural minority groups or with conservative religious affiliations are especially vulnerable.
But to imply that older lesbians who date younger women are predatory is doing a disservice to all involved. There are many reasons an older lesbian might be drawn to a relationship with someone 15 or 20 years her junior.
Better Stability in Relationships
Many younger lesbians are attracted to older women because of the stability they provide in relationships. Most relationships that have lasted for long have an age difference between the two partners, and this has worked to the benefit of both parties. Older lesbians will take a more dominant role in the relationship and will help the younger partner to navigate life.
In a recent study, researchers conducted in-depth interviews with 48 midlife married same-sex and straight couples. The aim was to understand how they made sense of their sexual changes amid significant midlife transitions.
The study found that the sex lives of older lesbians were more stable than those of their heterosexual counterparts. However, they faced a number of challenges. These included housing difficulties due to rejection by family and discrimination in care homes. Moreover, they struggled to make sense of their changing sexual identities and relationships because of the stigmatized nature of homosexuality.
Less Insecurities
Many young lesbians may think that reaching out to anyone older than them is gross or creepy. This robs lesbians of community and limits their potential to form friendships and sexual relationships.
In addition, many senior LGBTI people face financial insecurity. LGBTI older women are at greater risk of poverty, particularly as a result of patriarchal pension systems and gendered employment. They also have a harder time accessing housing, due to societal discrimination and familial rejection.
The LBGT community generally believes that love is love. This is why you will often see couples with a larger age difference dating openly. It is also why the LGBT community has a better understanding of and acceptance for relationships that have a more significant age gap than their straight counterparts. The age differences can even make for a fun contrast in their relationship. They will have different perspectives on life and are likely to bring out the best in each other.
More Experienced Sexually
Lesbians, like other women, can experience menopause, and as a result, the libido can drop significantly. Combined with other aging issues, this can lead to unwanted loneliness.
Women’s experiences with sex and aging may differ from their male counterparts, but they also experience similar challenges, such as financial insecurity. Patriarchal pension systems can leave women at risk of poverty in retirement, while older lesbians may face discrimination when seeking healthcare and housing.
Depression and other mental health conditions can have a significant impact on sexuality, too. For example, SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) anti-depressants have been linked to a lack of sex and low sexual desire. Luckily, there are more ways to cope than just medication. Some older lesbians report that they are able to increase or maintain their sexual activity by engaging in deliberate relationship work, such as communication, counseling, body projects and planning. Lesbian couples have been found to engage in this type of relationship work at higher rates than straight couples.
Attractive to Younger Lesbians
Many younger lesbians say that the confidence older women exude is a big turn on. The fact that they’ve been around longer also means that they are likely more stable, and this can be attractive to someone who might otherwise feel insecure or unsure about herself.
The issue of late-blooming lesbians has received attention recently, with a More magazine cover calling them “the gay and gray generation.” Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are often held up as an example of this phenomenon, although the fact that they were both in long heterosexual relationships beforehand is rarely mentioned.
While the LGBT community has made great strides in changing how we view relationships, there are still some notions that seem quite restrictive. The idea that a woman can’t date a younger man but a lesbian can only be with someone her own age is one of them. This can be a real drag on some relationships.