When you’re looking for a lesbian partner, one of the first things you need to know is whether she prefers to have sex as a top or a bottom. But the truth is, it’s not as straightforward as you may think.
That’s because lesbians can be trans, cisgender or non-lesbian-identifying. And they can also have sex between women who identify as bi, pansexual or even intersex.
Tops
Tops generally prefer to take a more active role in sex. This may mean penetrating sex, giving oral sex or performing other sexual acts.
A top in a lesbian relationship is often the more dominant partner. This doesn’t mean that she won’t receive sex- she’s just more likely to want to give it.
Some tops like to take a more passive role in sex too- they’re happy to let the bottom do it all! They’re not always dead-set on their preference though.
Some tops will even wear visual cues that indicate their preferences. This can be in the form of tattoos or body piercings on either side of the body.
Bottoms
A bottom, or pillow princess as it’s often referred to in lesbian dating, is more submissive and prefers to receive sexual pleasure than give it. They may also be called ‘hard bottoms’.
Despite the stereotype, not all bottoms are hard or ‘futch’. There are diesel dykes, high femmes and even masc or stud pillow princesses!
However, some bottoms will also like to give, as they might enjoy the sexual thrill of telling their partner exactly how they’d like to experience their sex. Whether they’re a top or bottom, it’s important to keep in mind that there is always room for compromise.
A bottom or submissive is an essential part of a queer relationship. They are often seen as rebellious against gender roles and expectations, and they can often find kink or BDSM incredibly liberating.
Switches
There are many lesbians out there who consider themselves switches. They will swing from the top to the bottom depending on their partner or their mood and are happy to give and receive.
The switch craze has also made its way into the queer lexicon, with terms like “tops” and “bottoms” used more often than ever. For some, these labels have been an important part of their identities.
Regardless of which side of the sex spectrum you fall on, it’s always important to know your preferences. You may not be compatible with someone who only gives you the sex you want or only receives the sex you provide, so it’s vital that you find a partner who complements your style of play.
The best way to determine this is by talking to your sex pals. They can be the sex matchmaker you’ve been searching for. The key is to use their feedback to help you get the most out of your experience.
Gender expression
Gender expression is the way that a person presents themselves to the world. This can include how they dress, their hairstyles, body features, interests, behavior, and voice.
It is not always a match with the way that sex is assigned at birth, and can also vary between people. For example, someone who has a buzz cut may identify as masculine, while someone who wears dresses may be considered feminine.
Another way to express gender is through nail art. Some people like to paint their index and middle fingers a different color, while others prefer to paint the ring finger.
Some people don’t feel comfortable with these expressions and choose to be more conservative or masculine. This is called gender non-conforming.